Karen Kennedy

Being a teenager who was a new mom was overwhelming enough for me. Add to that situation the stories from most adult parents (much older than me) that the teen years were hell, and I had a reason for panic.

For years while my two older children were growing up I heard, “wait till they are teenagers, then you’ll see how hard parenthood is…” Well, I waited for the hammer to fall and it did not! My older children were absolutely wonderful and I had NO trouble with either of them that I’d complain about. No drinking, smoking, cussing, staying out all night or any of those awful things. I got happy! I was elated! These children were in high school and doing very well. My goodness, in a few short years, they’ll be out of the house. All the horror stories were just a way to make me afraid. Stupid liars! Raising teens is a piece of cake.

A few years later, I got pregnant with my third child and I decided she was the caboose. It seemed as though I had been a mother since my own birth. I couldn’t remember a time in my life that I wasn’t responsible for someone else’s life. I spoiled her rotten. She quickly became my “road dog.” We went almost everywhere together and I kept her close to me, for the most part. I was home free after this one. I remembered all the horror stories I heard about raising teenagers and I laughed! “Ha! That’s what people said about the first two and they turned out perfect. No worries.”

Fourteen years later, I would like to announce that the curse placed upon me by those same people years ago reared its ugly head. I was not prepared for my teenager. She is so strikingly different from her brother and sister that I have to purposely remember that they all lived in the same womb. I had not known a teenager that I gave birth to, spewing profanity. Nor did I even imagine smoking, drinking and being out of school for months. Excuse me, remembering all this just caused me to have a neck spasm.

Am I ashamed of how she turned out? No. I’m ashamed that most of her troubles derive from my behavior. I left her to her own devices and she has done the best she could. I was so wrapped up in my own life and regrets that I couldn’t give her what she needed; me. I don’t tell this story for people to feel sorry for us. I convey this because I hope to inspire you moms to gather your strength and support these children who need us so desperately.

Teenagers are very fragile people. The transitions that they face are intrinsic and sudden. One day they are your baby who depends on you. The next, you’re calling 9-1-1 because they have been gone all night. Ultimately, these young people want our love and attention. If they feel neglected, even in the least, they tend to rebel. There’s also “balance.” Too much of anything can work against you.

Things are getting better for us. We’ve both learned much. She became so independent and determined, but I realized that she still needs guidance. In her own subtle, screaming way, she begged for it. She resents me a little and it comes out in her communication. I have to remind her that I don’t care what has happened, I am still her mother and I AM THE BOSS!  

If you find that you are at your wit’s end, involve a qualified counselor who can help your family sort things out.