By Molly Brown

We could all write novels about relationships between men and women – the good, the great and the not-so-great. What I’d like to focus on initially is the relationships between women – the friendships, the camaraderie, the venting and the need for female companionship which in some ways have led us all to this site, Diva Café. The subject of the friendships between women has been on my mind for some time now, as I just recently moved to a new city, new state, and after several months I awoke with the dawning realization that the chasm I had felt creeping wider each day wasn’t because I was unhappy in my personal

or professional life, but rather that something was missing. It took some time to come to the realization of what it was. It was a girlfriend.

Growing up in a houseful of women (5, including my mother), going to an all women’s college, and having a healthy group of female friends for most of my life, I hadn’t realized that I was missing a core necessity. I had started dating a wonderful man shortly after moving to this new place, and for much of our first year together, we worked on insulating ourselves in our relationship, as often happens when love is new and in bloom. I work with women, so I had developed casual friendships with a few in the office, but these relationships did not expand beyond the walls of the library where we work – husbands, families, and geography kept any socializing after the work hours were through a difficult, at best, undertaking. And so, I found myself, one night when said boyfriend had gone out with his best friend, sitting in our house wondering why I was so upset that he had left to go hang with a buddy. I am not the jealous type when it comes to male friendships – I think they are a necessity and healthy – so what was my problem, and why had I given J so much grief about going out with his friend? And then it hit me: I wanted what he had. I wanted my own friend. And it was more than a want, I soon came to discover. It was a need. I needed someone to go out with, to chat about life, men, families. I needed an exercise buddy, a shopping pal, someone who enjoyed getting pedicures as much as I did. I needed a girlfriend again.

But at 41, it isn’t such an easy thing to find. Most women have lives full of husbands, partners, children, work, errands, and the list can go on. I don’t belong to a gym. I don’t belong to a reading group. In fact, I don’t belong to any groups where I could form friendships. So what did I do? I posted an ad on craigslist to reach out and see if there were any women out there that would want to get together to form a friendship and share our lives.

Strangely enough, it worked. I received responses, and last weekend I met a woman for drinks in a restaurant downtown. I’ll admit I was nervous, though I told myself that was silly – it wasn’t like this was a blind date. Though in a way it was. But I soldiered through my fears and met her. K is wonderful. We had a great evening, found out we had much in common, and had a great time dishing about men, people watching from the restaurant windows commenting on the characters we saw outside, and just generally enjoying one another’s company. I came home floating on air. I had made a friend! Finally, I felt I had a woman in my life that I could spill my guts to, listen to, and enjoy life’s pleasures with. All it took was a little effort on my part, a big thanks to technology, and the guts to go through with it.

Women need women. I have found that friends give me a mirror into myself. They allow me to see me as me, and I feel better after being around them. Diva Café is similar in that way. It’s a great group of women that have found one another, come together to share their lives, and have the space to do it in. I am thankful not only for my new friend, but also for the ones I have made on this website.

We divas rock!