By Brooke Rawson

Women are natural nurturers. They give up their time and energy to meet others' needs. This can come with a price.

Let’s looks at an example of a woman’s day. A woman with a partner and children spends time each day cooking, cleaning, watching the kids, possibly going to a PTA meeting, etc, etc, etc. Then she may have a job or school on top of that. Studies show that women who have full time work still do more of the household chores then their partners. (Baxter, 2005 ) By the end of the day our example woman is exhausted and has had no time for herself. Then the next day comes and she does it over again.

This will eventually burn her out. She will start feeling “depleted energy, extreme fatigue, emotional exhaustion, reduced interest.” (Offra Gerstein, 2009) She will recognize her needs are not being met, but will continue pushing them aside for others. 

Besides being busy let’s look at how a woman uses up her emotional self. If she has children then she spends part of her day building them up. She will play with her toddler, get her 5th grader from the principal's office, or comfort her teen whose boyfriend/girlfriend just broke up with them. Let’s say her partner comes home and has had a bad day.  What if the woman is having a bad day? Most likely she will push her issues aside to help others first.

Does this sound familiar?

Well watch out! You could begin to feel resentment towards the people in your life.

We women like to say that we don’t have the time or can’t afford to slow down.  Let me put it this way: if something is not working at 100% then other things are not either. Look at a business. If one of the employees doesn’t show up the others have take on his workload. What if more than one employee does not show up? If this keeps happening then eventually the business is not going to be able to operate. Your body can be very similar. Eventually it’s going to start breaking down and so is your ability to keep up. 

The point is that we have to make time for ourselves. There is nothing wrong with being nurturers, but we forget to nurture ourselves. There are plenty of websites that have good tips as to how to lessen the load and slow down. I picked some of my favorites and listed them below.

Learn to Say No

We all want to be some sort of super-woman, and “no” can be a hard word for us to use. Learning to say no is one of the first steps that will help us to find a balance.

Start with small things. For example, when your children or partner ask you to get up and get something for them remind them they have two good legs and they can get it themselves. This tip is a great starting place for the next one.

Share the Work

Your children and partner live in the house right? Well they can learn to clean up after themselves and in return lessen your work load.  As Hueina Su (2008) says “They are not "helping you out", they are "sharing responsibilities" that belong to them.”

Prioritize

We have all heard that we should prioritize our “to do” lists, so that we get the important things done and slide on the things that can wait, but have you done it? Prioritizing is important because it can help make time in your day for you. Instead of doing everything on the list, do what you have to and then spend the remaining time getting a pedicure or curling up with a good book.

Be Realistic

To me this is most important. Be realistic. We want to be a super woman, but we can't. We have to learn to accept that not everything goes our way and it is okay. Look at your house. How often do you clean it? Do you have toddlers? Do you work a 9 to 5 job? We would love to have a spotless house all the time, but sometimes it’s just not possible. Learn to be okay with it.

Start small if you have to and build up to larger changes. You will soon begin to see a difference in yourself. If you still don’t think you can do it then I have a question for you. If you were asked to complete a task for someone else would you find a way to make it happen? Taking care of ourselves is not selfish, it’s smart.

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Author- Brooke Rawson is a stay at home mom with her daughter. She has a bachelors in psychology. Her goals include getting accepted into graduate school for marriage counseling, becoming a therapist, and travelling the world. She spends her days watching and chasing after her very active daughter of two. Her hobbies including studying sex and relationships. She currently resides in Florida.