Diva Cafe
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The Ex from Hell
My boyfriend and I have only been together 10 months, but after only 3 months we moved from RI to GA. We pretty much only have each other in GA and that fine. Sadly his ex who he stated BEST friends with won't butt out. She texts at 2am after she asked me if that bother me and I said yes and she still keeps doing it. Last night she posted on his facebook a cute little comment using his pet name Kermit, and reminiscing about their past love together. He still has her as Piggie in his phone, ie Kermit and Miss Piggie.
She lives in PA so she's not exactly close, but online, on phone and in text message, she is nothing but nice to me, and understanding and friendly. But then she brings up the sex her and my bf used to have! My bf says just rise about it and be the better person. How can I be the better person when she is trying to get me to freak out?? She knows these things upset me, she knows if I tell my bf I'm upset with her, he has always chosen her over his gfs in fights. She is currently in a relationship but according to my bf, when she gets "serious" with a man, that is when she sabotages her relationships. So where she used to hide her phone calls and texts to my bf to keep her bf from being jealous, she now posts how must she misses him and being with him on facebook for the world to see. He won't remove the comment and he won't tell her it was uncalled for. He told me I'm being childish for letting this bother me at all. It's hard not to be bothered by a girl who used to date him who won't stop bringing up their romantic past and the icing on the cake, the one time he's cheated on a girl EVER was with this one. He cheated on his live in gf of 2 years with this skank-a-doodle. I don't know how to get past this woman's need to cause waves. If he won't tell her to stop, is he just not the one for me? Or am I just over reacting?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Denise Deslauriers on -
He has kept it to one phone call a month lately... and he says he tells her to stop with the comments online, but she just comes back with "you deserve better than a girl who is jealous of this stuff". She thinks she's doing him a favor by showing him how wrong I am for him with my insecurity and jealousy. The worst of it right now is that he'll be going to her wedding without me. I know he won't stay home just because I have a military obligation and can't join him. He'd hold it against me forever. But I can't get out of this military obligation... so I just to be "the bigger person" and pretend I'm ok with it... ugh...
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Permalink Reply by Josy Lawrence on -
Well it is good that he is trying and I think by this girl saying that kind of stuff such as "you deserve better than a girl..." should just show him what kind of girl she is. If she is a friend she should support him and his decisions in who he is dating. As far as the wedding, well there is no way around that but the good thing is she's getting married! She'll be more fixed on that than him, and really there shouldn't be any other get togethers between them other than this one. It sounds like things are at least getting better and that's great. Keep your head up.
Denise Deslauriers said:He has kept it to one phone call a month lately... and he says he tells her to stop with the comments online, but she just comes back with "you deserve better than a girl who is jealous of this stuff". She thinks she's doing him a favor by showing him how wrong I am for him with my insecurity and jealousy. The worst of it right now is that he'll be going to her wedding without me. I know he won't stay home just because I have a military obligation and can't join him. He'd hold it against me forever. But I can't get out of this military obligation... so I just to be "the bigger person" and pretend I'm ok with it... ugh...
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Permalink Reply by Denise Deslauriers on
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Oh Josy, just when I thought I could be grateful that at least she was getting married... She dumped her fiancee after only a month of being engaged stating that he "isn't giving enough" and she was supporting him financially. Well she knew he was a part time bartender when they met and that never bothered her before. Worse Justin said when he found out she was engaged, "they won't make it til the end of the year nevermind the wedding date". She is now calling daily all sad and lonely and wishing he could go to PA and be there for her in her time of need... *sigh*
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Permalink Reply by Josy Lawrence on
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Wow that's not cool. Your boyfriend as well as her should understand why it would upset you with them talking so much and should respect that you don't feel comfortable with it. I would give him the ultimatum- it's either you stop talking to her or talk to her (and set how many days you are okay with or how long) or I'm gone. This will let him know that you are serious and that it is bothering you that much. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I've been through the same type of thing and still go through it at times, it is hard. Best of luck!
Denise Deslauriers said:Oh Josy, just when I thought I could be grateful that at least she was getting married... She dumped her fiancee after only a month of being engaged stating that he "isn't giving enough" and she was supporting him financially. Well she knew he was a part time bartender when they met and that never bothered her before. Worse Justin said when he found out she was engaged, "they won't make it til the end of the year nevermind the wedding date". She is now calling daily all sad and lonely and wishing he could go to PA and be there for her in her time of need... *sigh*
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Permalink Reply by Denise S on -
Denise Deslauriers said:
Lost my original post.To make matters that much worse, we moved to GA in January, he is now $3000 in debt and just finally got a job. Neither of us can afford the house we rent without each other or a roommate. And since he's currently in debt, he can't really afford it with or without me or a roommate. We are literally stuck together until he is out of debt and I can find a new place to live. As much as I don't like him for disrespecting me and for defending her when she makes me uncomfortable, I could not leave him to the streets when our families and friends are 1100 miles away. But I do NOT see him in my future.
It hurts more that I gave up things to me that I always dreamed of to have a life with him. He is very anti-marriage and anti-children. And my whole life, all I wanted was a family of my own. I grew up in an abusive and unhealthy home, I never had what most people consider a family. I knew he'd never give me a ring, his last name and some rugrats to call me mommy. But I told him that if he loved me, and could handle having only me for the rest of his life, than I could move past what he could not give and focus on what he could give. Now he chooses to keep a girl from his past in his very close present no matter how I feel and I am the one being childish and lacking understanding.
He actually wanted to visit her ALONE for a week of vacation!!! We haven't had the time nor money to go on vacation together, and he wants to go for a week to be with HER!!! I think I have given him more time and patience to handle this situation with her than most would have. Now I'm just tired and hurt.
You mentioned you grew up with abuse. Abuse usually means emotional chaos. I know from experience that I have repeated a pattern of unhealthy relationships that began in childhood. Some people choose current partners that elicit feelings of long ago (emotional chaos, mistrust) because on a deep level that is what we are familiar with and know.
You have chosen someone that does not want a family with you, that causes you emotional chaos and mistrust. You are sabotaging your emotional happiness by being with this man. It's really difficult to break negative relationship patterns. A book that brought awareness to me was "Are You the One for Me" by Barbara DeAngelis.
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Permalink Reply by Stacy Slaton on -
I agree respect is huge if a man well not respect you, you need to get out of the situation. The longer you stay the more It well take away from who you are and make you more and more unhappy, this is never good!! He has had the chance to figure it out and what he wants. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEN? I know so many like your boyfriend infact I have spent a year with a man who makes other women more important. Me staying is talking away from me and what I need to do with my life for my kids and I. I'm just in a situation that I don't have many choices or I'd be gone so I'm working on getting out asap!!!
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Permalink Reply by Krystle Parker on -
Ugh..I experienced the same thing with my ex! He had a friend he would text all the time and they were really close...she would text at odd hours and they exchanged I love you's and everything!! Of course I only found this out when I suspected of him cheating so I read through his texts when he was asleep-I know bad but I knew he was cheating and I needed to confirm it for myself.I don't know how your man is but mine ended up being a total jerk and I couldn't trust him.Its totally inappropriate that she is telling him how much she misses him and talking about their past love..he's with you and the conversation with them should have stopped when she asked you if it bothered you..that shows lack of respect.I don't know if you are still with him or not but you deserve better.
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