Diva Cafe
Women's Networking and Social Community
Love not Lust
Hey ladies, I have a bit of a dilemma, but I'm not sure it should be one. When my bf and I started dating, we were very hot and heavy like most couples. In a short period of time we decided to pack up and move 1100miles away from home. Of course since we only know each other, we live together. We are together almost all day and it's great, we are truly good friends. Job searching and such sometimes wears on our nerves but for the most part everything is wonderful. Sadly though, he tells me his feelings these days are more loving than lustful. Not that he doesn't want me physically but finds himself to be more in love with me than desiring bedroom time. I know most women would love to hear a man just wants to stare into their eyes and cuddle... but I miss the passion we used to have. I guess I should also mention I usually date bad boy sociopaths who can't even say the words "I love you" never mind be in love over lust. So I guess I'm questions how do I keep a balance? Or is it truly better we have progressed to this point?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Denise Deslauriers on -
Thanks Amber! I believe love conquers all! BTW totally cute photo of you guys, I love it!
Amber Painter said:I have been dating my guy for 4 years, and we were hot and heavy for a year, and it faded! I am also only 20, but we were high school sweethearts, and that's always part of it too!! we got to know eachother while were 16 and 17 and through time we grew with eachother, while being so young, it was tough, but we're still working through it, and we still find lust, and love, and there are a lot of ways to tie lust and love together, to still make a relationship seem right.
I had problems along the way, like you, but mine were more of people thinking we were too young to feel this way, but in the same sense, you can't put age on true love, and you also can't put a number on it also (like 4 months) I fell in love after a week <3
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Permalink Reply by Amber Painter on -
Thank you so much Denise! =)
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Permalink Reply by Josy Lawrence on -
I think you should be happy about this but discuss how you want him to still be lustful. Lust does fade overtime. I have been with my fiance for 5 1/2 years now, started out hot and heavy like you described and now it's so so. That is something you just work on over time by trying new things.
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Permalink Reply by Denise Deslauriers on
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It has been quite some time since I originally posted this question. Over the past several months he has fallen into quite the depression. It took a lot of patience and fighting and crying and talking... and a few trips apart (both leisure and business) and finally we have found the spark again. The depression is still living with us, but we are learning to focus on what made us want to be together in the first place. He really has stepped it up.
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Permalink Reply by Josy Lawrence on
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So glad to hear this :) It's great that you are working on things. That is what a relationship is all about. Best of luck and hope it continues.
Denise Deslauriers said:It has been quite some time since I originally posted this question. Over the past several months he has fallen into quite the depression. It took a lot of patience and fighting and crying and talking... and a few trips apart (both leisure and business) and finally we have found the spark again. The depression is still living with us, but we are learning to focus on what made us want to be together in the first place. He really has stepped it up.
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